What I have learned from Mary Higgins Clark

While I do artwork, I listen to books on CD. It is ridiculously fun! You should probably be jealous that I get to come home from school and not only draw all afternoon long for my homework but also at the same time, listen to endless books on CD. I get through several books every week. I especially love Mary Higgins Clark mysteries; her books are not especially thought-provoking and don’t really introduce new mind-boggling concepts or anything like that, but what is not to like about trying to figure out who the murderer is long before the police in the book ever figure it out? And Mary Higgins Clark has taught me some very useful lessons that I am sure I will be able to use throughout my life. In case you are ever a murder threat victim, I'll share these useful tips with you:

1. If there is more than one person who is romantically pursuing you, then all but one of them is either a murderer or stalker and plans to murder and/or stalk you. By the time all has been figured out and the bad guys have been caught there will only be ONE romantic interest left in your life, which makes life much easier because you don’t have to choose between them all.

2. If there is a person trying to kill you, it is very likely that you are a very attractive defense attorney and you are absolutely perfect with no flaws, you always are patient and soft-spoken and also have a streak of independence. Everyone loves you, including murderers.

3. Also, if there is someone trying to kill you, most likely your ideal breakfast is a single scrambled egg with a slice of unbuttered and unjellied toast (which means that if you do not want to be a murder victim, keep on eating those delicious waffles and french toast, hash browns, and all that other food that makes breakfast the most wonderful meal of the day. I mean, who eats unbuttered toast, really?)

4. All murderers are male. I know, that is a very sexist thing to say, but 100% of Mary Higgins Clark's murderers are male and so therefore, it is fact.

5. Whoever the police suspect of being the murderer is never the murderer, ever.

6. Guys are attracted to girls who are receiving threats of murder. It is probably their protective instinct. If you would like to attract many guys to you, you should become a murder threat victim. But be aware of lesson number one.

7. If you are that attractive attorney, don’t you fret, you will never actually be killed, the police will get to you before the murderer accomplishes his task, works every time.

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha you have learned so much! I was SO very grateful to read #3- I am definitely a consumer of "those delicious waffles and french toast, hash browns, and all that other food that makes breakfast the most wonderful meal of the day."