If Fenton could talk, I'm fairly positive this is what he would say

This is an important note to all my friends up there in Heaven who haven't come down here to earth yet.

Before you come down here, you'll be told about this lady who gives you milk when you're hungry and this guy who is really good at bouncing you when you are sad.

They're pretty decent people most of the time, so it's nice to have them around.

But what they don't tell you is that there is a crazed girl down here too.

You'll just be sitting on your comfy couch (well more like lounging between the two cushions since sitting won't be one of your skills until later on) and out of nowhere there will be this amazingly high pitched screeching and hollering that goes like this,  "BEEEEBEEEEE!!!!!"

And that is a siren that warns you when the crazed girl is making an entrance.

Before that siren has even finished it's horrendous screeching you will feel sharp claws attacking your whole body.

And there will be the crazed girl, perched next to you, most likely with some innocent toy clasped in her claws that she is sure to introduce to you.

Sometimes she attacks you for the sole purpose of pointing out all of your body parts (especially your knee) to the milk lady who will ridiculously applaud her for something she's already done fifty two times this week.

This last time she attacked she had all of her "cooking utensils" in her hands and she proceeded to make some disgusting make-believe oatmeal for me and force feed it down my throat.

It was the worst oatmeal I've ever had.

I tried to make her stop by making some very obvious signals, but did that stop her? 

No it did not.

In fact, it made it worse, she thought I was in need of a drink to wash down her wretched oatmeal and so she pretended to pour milk into my mouth.

So I started to cry so that the milk lady would come and rescue me but she just sat there and laughed and recorded the awful moment with her horrible flashing black box.

And to make it even worse, the bouncing guy came home and the milk lady laughed and smiled while she told him what the crazed girl had done to me.

I caught her saying the word, "cute" multiple times.

Milk Lady, if this treatment is considered cute then the time I threw up all over the two of us was positively adorable.

So beware, friends, of the crazed girl.

For some of you it will be a crazed boy rather than a girl and for some of you there will be more than one. 

I pity you already, good luck surviving that.

Love, Fenton

 //Ella on the other hand would have a different story//

Guys!

My mom got me this new toy named Fifi and he is by far the best toy I have ever had!

He has a knee.

And sometimes I make him my yummy oatmeal and he eats it and he tells me how good it is.

When he cries like this, that means he loves it!

I love him!

 Love, Ella

My Mom Lets Me Drive the Car

Well guys, I have decided that I have officially graduated from a baby to a toddler.

This is evidenced by the fact that my mom dressed me in pants today instead of shorts and I can say the word "ball" and I carry a ball around with me at all times so that I can hold it up and say "ball" to every single person that walks by (although I threw it at a trash can when we were in the parking lot so now I don't have it anymore because my mom didn't want to get it).

AND as you may have noticed, I am driving a car.

With two steering wheels.

So this definitely means that I am grown up.

Usually I have to sit in the basket in the front of the grocery cart where my mom can hold down my legs so I won't wiggle out.

But this time I got to ride in the car.

But my mom says she won't let me do it again until I am older because I was a little bit crazy in the car.

I stood up backwards in the car.

 

And I took off my shoe and threw it out of the car for my mom to have to go searching for later.

And I kept turning around and yelling at my mom what she should buy, "I want the strawberry ice cream and the cake flavored pop tarts with the sprinkles that uncle Ethan let me taste."

She said "Um, no."

And I yelled at passers-by, "Hey! Stay in your own lane! Hurry it along, people! Don't you dare take that last box of oatmeal! It is MINE!"

And good thing this car has a bottom, otherwise I would have fallen through lots of times.

 And then when my mom got me out at the end she realized that the car had seat belts and she said that we are using them next time.

Love, Ella

This hot air balloon cardigan that my mom made me wear

Hey Guys!

It's been a while since I've blogged.

I've been busy trying to secretly confiscate my mom's phone, camera, and laptop and I've also been trying to redecorate this place by hiding all my toys in secret places, flinging my food on the walls and throwing plastic bags all over the place, so as you can see I've had very little spare time.

It's really a wonder that I even had time to stop and pose for these pictures, but I try to do little favors for my momma since she tries so hard to make my oatmeal just right every morning.

The reason my momma is taking these pictures is because she just decorated this cardigan for me.

Do you like it?

Me too!

She just sewed this hot air balloon on it and some green buttons and a collar.

And she put these shoes on me that she really likes, but she pretty much just puts them on my feet for pictures because it's not like I can walk yet.

Yeah, yeah. 

I know. 

I'm one year old now and I can't walk.

It's embarrassing.

All my friends my age can walk. 

And my mom says, "I can't put any pants on you because you'll just ruin them with how much you crawl around so you better start walking before it gets too cold so that you can wear pants."

Can you believe that?

She cares more about my pants than she does about me!

Maybe I don't want to walk!

I want to crawl forever!

That sounds good to me!

And then I can just crawl around nakey because nakey is the best!

Alright, that's all.

I'm heading off to go secretly eat some leftover Halloween candy that I hid.

Love, Ella

Tutorial: How to become an eating champ-- by Ella

Hey Guys.

Did you know that if eating were an olympic event I would probably win a gold medal?

Well, I would. 

Because I'm an eating champ.

So today I thought I would teach you some really useful eating techniques so that you can be an eating champ too.

First, you need to start off your meal with some stretching. 

This is very important because sometimes there is a noodle or a piece of meat that is very far away from you and you need to be able to reach far enough to get it.

See?

It's a good thing I stretched, or else I wouldn't have been able to get that noodle I really wanted.

Also, you need to work on your vocal chords and make sure that you can make loud yelling and screeching noises.

This is useful for when you run out of food or if you want a new kind of food, you can just use your vocal chords and yell really loud so your mom will get you more food.

Sometimes it helps if you work on your facial expressions so that you can tell your mom through your face things like, "Mom, this food is gross."

The face I'm making above says, "Mom, I'm done. Take this away."

See? It worked.

She took my food away like I wanted.

So, now onto cleaning yourself off after a meal.

If you are like me, you probably get food all over your tummy and legs.

I especially like to store food in between my thighs and my diaper so that my mom has to pull it all out.

Sometimes while she's pulling it out, I just reach down and grab another handful from where it's stored between my legs and diaper and eat more while she's cleaning me. 

It's like saving a little snack for later.

You also need to clean your feet.

Sometimes you drop the wash cloth, and that's okay.

Just pick it up again (as you can see, those stretches really are very important).

And if you want, you can also wave your washcloth around and make water fly everywhere, that is a fun thing to do and your mom will love it.

One final tip:

When you leave a restaurant, make sure that they know that you were there.

This is important.

Always leave a trail to mark where you've been.

It's especially helpful if you spit out the foods you didn't like on the floor so that the people at the restaurant know what foods don't taste so good at their restaurant.

Above, I spit out the broccoli and the carrots and tomatoes, because they didn't taste very good.

The restaurant people will love you more if you do this.

Well, those are all my tips for right now.

If you work on doing those things, you too can be an eating champ.

Love, Ella